Online Dating

Single?

Socially awkward?

Ugly as fuck?


















Maybe you should consider finding your love online. According to a recent eHarmony statistic, one in eight couples now find each other online through dating websites. Whether they get married is another story, but sites like that have made it their business to get you laid.

Free sites - The best free dating website to use is PlentyofFish.com
Unfortunately, because it's free, it's attracted a lot of creepers/pedophiles/girls-who-actually-have-dicks
You take with the good with the bad and maybe - just maybe - you'll end up with a mate. Let's hope she doesn't look like the 'chick' above.


Paid sites - eHarmony
Apparently, eHarmony is now responsible for about 5% of marriages in the United States. That's insane. They place a lot of emphasis on their unique, in-depth questionnaire that will find you your perfect match in the online dating world. They have plenty of success stories to back them up. Clearly, they're the number one playa in the industry. 



Oh, and eHarmony also has sections for those who only want to date Blacks, Christians, Jews, and old people (lol). I guess this is assuming you're of the same faith, but I'm sure it's useful for the KKK and such.

All right I can kinda see the Jewish nose
But how much does eHarmony cost? It doesn’t cost anything to fill out the eHarmony questionnaire, receive your Free Personality Profile, and be matched up with prospective partners. You only pay when and if you want to communicate with one or more of your matches. eHarmony offers four subscription rates:
  • $59.95 for one month
  • $110.85 for three months ($36.95 per month)
  • 173.70 for six months ($28.95 per month)
  • $251.40 for 12 months ($20.95 per month)
That's pricier than I thought it would be, but I guess true love is priceless (should I work for eHarmony or what?)


The next big company is Match.com, who will pair you up with a bang-buddy for only $29.99 a month. The into to their site is pretty clever - apparently they've picked the top 30 or so singles on their website and liberally sprinkled their lovely faces on the opening page.

See all these beautiful people you can meet? Well, prepare to be introduced to people who look about half as cute as they do. Such is the nature of the beast, I suppose.

This is exactly what's going to happen

Now, if any of my readers are married, you may be thinking MY PARTNER WILL BE REALLY PISSED IF I LOOK FOR SEX ONLINE. Fear not, there's a website for you too.

Ashley Madison is a dating website that has been featured on several crappy TV shows (see above). It's a service that discretely hooks up horny married people with other horny, married people (or prostitutes - see above).

If a girl sends you this picture online, she's not a girl
This discreet dating site has three different packages for you slimy people: $49, $149, and $249. The former gets you enough 'credits' to contact 20 people, while the other packages have scalable numbers of credits. Just like in real life, the more you pay for, the more you fuck.

If you just don't care, have no morals, or are really drunk on a Friday night, Craigslist is probably your best bet. It's filled with people just like you (and rapists).

43 comments:

mac-and-me said...
March 11, 2011 at 12:46 AM

i think most dating sites are scam

elexerdelex said...
March 11, 2011 at 1:44 AM

How come at first I though dating sites where a solution...

But after this I think they are a problem...

Spike said...
March 11, 2011 at 2:54 AM

dating sites are just a gamble...

Patti D. said...
March 11, 2011 at 3:54 AM

It's true, many people with no spare time are resorting to this kind of sites, normal people I mean, so it might not be a bad idea.

Random Fan said...
March 11, 2011 at 7:00 AM

Swear to God, I know three couples who are now engaged who met online.

mmmpieohyeah said...
March 11, 2011 at 8:26 AM

I haven't heard many succesful stories on online dating, quite the contrary actually...

duffboi said...
March 11, 2011 at 10:34 AM

never tried it, but haven't ruled it out.

Anonfourtwenty said...
March 11, 2011 at 10:42 AM

Never done any dating site before, I think it would be weird. Like if your relationship got serious and your friends are like, "How did you two meet?"... It would be all weird and awkward.

baxxman said...
March 11, 2011 at 11:23 AM

Oh, so nice! Thanks for sharing

Hot New Music Today said...
March 11, 2011 at 11:43 AM

Classic post, it was a good read. Looks like you have a pretty strong opinion on this kind of stuff, it makes the read pretty funny. Keep up the good work.

TheHarvester said...
March 11, 2011 at 11:52 AM

ohhh shelby. is that you in the first picture. you did not age well ;D)

Rachel Neilson said...
March 11, 2011 at 1:13 PM

Good info I guess. That's how I picked my dog out.

Daan said...
March 11, 2011 at 1:32 PM

In my opinion online dating never works.

Aaron M. Gipson said...
March 11, 2011 at 2:03 PM

I've only had creepy and scary experiences from trying to find a date online. One girl didn't even have teeth when she showed up for the date...

ebm93 said...
March 11, 2011 at 2:04 PM

Oh my god, that first picture... That's why I would never try this

Candlej- said...
March 11, 2011 at 3:21 PM

i know two people who have gotten married/engaged to people they met through pay dating sites, but i think thats more or less a last resort.

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Major.Mack said...
March 11, 2011 at 4:49 PM

excellent! I'm very familiar with the online dating scene!

Heres my Profile:
"I have no morals or standards. So for all you skeezers out there now you know where to find me! Its Hard and Free! so Giddeeeeup!"

Eric P said...
March 11, 2011 at 6:30 PM

I've pretty much stopped meeting girls, so it would be advantageous for me to use one of these sites. Don't know if I'll ever get around to it.

Tommo said...
March 12, 2011 at 12:38 AM

Thanks for the post Shelby:)

Jay.CA said...
March 12, 2011 at 2:58 AM

interesting post and blog, following. :)

Merlyy said...
March 12, 2011 at 4:46 AM

Nice post =) Followed

Jesse Brooks said...
March 12, 2011 at 7:27 AM

Great post Shelby, but I think that picture at the top is enough of a deterrent for anyone to forego internet dating sites in their search for the chance to butt-hump some pretty mama.

Dootzkie said...
March 12, 2011 at 9:44 AM

Oh lord that first picture...

Made me laught real hard!

As for my take on online dating, I don't think that it's bad, but I do think that it's for people who can't or won't spare some time to really go out, give people that are not compatible on paper a chance and stuff like that. Those aren't usually good relationship material and do usually either end up in an arranged relationship [read: arranged sex and dinners] or are those that are afraid to leave the house [read: to self concious].

Get out, go around... Enjoy every bit of pain you suffer

Adventure Person said...
March 12, 2011 at 10:52 AM

Craigslist dating is so classy

Jung said...
March 12, 2011 at 11:48 AM

This post scares me. Never tried online dating.

Innovations said...
March 12, 2011 at 12:08 PM

I've used plenty of fish, its not that bad

Shutterbug said...
March 12, 2011 at 12:59 PM

I wouldn't pay to be on a dating site...

Arcita said...
March 12, 2011 at 5:11 PM

i actually know a lot of people who have gotten married or went into a real relationship from an online relationship.

it's a little different but it works.

Laughing Vault said...
March 13, 2011 at 10:39 AM

firt picture - jesus christ its creepy

-DO- said...
March 13, 2011 at 12:11 PM

i don't think that it works

Merlyy said...
March 14, 2011 at 6:36 AM

Hahha nice entry =)

Kosmo said...
March 20, 2011 at 11:11 PM

It takes a certain type of person to commit to an online dating service and I'm certainly not one of them XD

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